One Thousand Cups of Tea

Last week I stumbled across a concept that caught me as significant – although I wasn’t exactly sure why at the time. I made note of it, and hoped after further analysis it might be worthy of a blog post. Well, I did get back to it, and I believe it is.

The small group I was meeting with at the Bailey House (A coffee shop /compassionate ministries facility my church owns) landed on the subject of relationships in our discussion. Specifically, we were talking about how people are more willing to have meaningful dialog if you have established a good relationship. Joe – one of the members of the small group – told a quick story about a friend of his who was either from Morocco or had spent time in Morocco, I can’t recall which at the moment.

He explained that in Morocco, most acceptable conversations are limited to very literal, non matters-of-the-heart discussions. The weather, for instance, how a meal tastes, or mention of a new pair of shoes. That’s not to say that the Moroccan people don’t have deeper conversations, they do.  However, there is a saying in Morocco that deeper discussions, like sharing with a friend they drink too much or asking someone if they believe in God, are not acceptable until you have shared one thousand cups of tea.

That was the extent of the story, and we moved on from there. Like I said though, I felt that there was more to it, and jotted down a note to think about it further. When I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about the concept of the one thousand cups of tea. At first I felt bad for the people of Morocco if that was indeed an unwritten rule they let guide their relationship. I mean, one thousand cups of tea, really? I Googled how many days the average person is alive, and found the answer to be 25,000. So, even if they had tea with someone every day for their entire lives – moving onto someone new every 1,000 cups –  they would only reach that limit with 25 people, and ironically wouldn’t have very much time left to actually have those deeper conversations with the qualified friends. Especially considering the years spent at both ends of life doing little more than mumbling and filling diapers. Of course, as I thought about it more, I realized that the point of the saying was actually deeper itself than the ‘cups of tea punch card’ that I was envisioning Moroccans walking around with in their pockets.    

 After Googling the concept, and finding very little reference to it, I came to my own conclusion. I believe that the thousand cups of tea is not literal at all, but is instead illustrating a point, and a beautiful one at that. Matters of the heart should be reserved for those who care; those who have dedicated the time to develop the relationship; those who are not expecting anything in return; those who have – or would be willing to – share one thousand cups of tea.  Just as the Bible declaring we should forgive each other 70 x 7 times doesn’t actually mean that after 490 times of forgiving someone we can write them off, the one thousand cups of tea illustrates the tremendous dedication necessary for meaningful relationship, and the deeper dialog that comes with it.  

After coming to that conclusion, I decided to read more about Moroccans in specific reference to tea, to see if there was anything more to the saying. What I found was both unexpected and very interesting. For Moroccans, tea is much more than just a drink – in fact, it’s considered an art. There is a great deal of respect and effort that goes into the entire tea making and consuming process. I won’t get into the details here. But for example when tea is made, that same tea is served three times, each instance after a specific amount of time has passed. At each serving the tea tastes different due to the aging process. There is a saying that expresses this – The first glass is as bitter as life, The second glass is as strong as love, the third glass is as gentle as death. When thinking about tea as an art form, I realized that the ‘one thousand cups of tea’ concept was even less shallow than I had initially thought. It meant that these experiences leading up to that moment when the relationship was deeper didn’t have to be as meaningless as a discussion about shoes or the weather. In fact, in sharing a highly respected work of art, it was so much more than that. It could be compared in our culture perhaps to one thousand indie films, one thousand museum visits, or even one thousand bottles of fine wine. Of course I’m not recommending you pick up thousands of bottles of wine in preparation to live this out in your own lives – despite the antioxidant benefits. Whatever the American equivalent, I believe the art piece makes the saying even more meaningful.

In conclusion, I believe that with this concept the Moroccans are really just putting into words the importance of true relationships, and the dangers of trivializing them.  We all have our own guidelines on who gets in and who doesn’t. We all have certain things we look for in someone before we are willing to take their advice or open up to them about matters of the heart. For me, it’s as simple as trust and respect. If I trust you and respect you, then you have the right to talk to me about anything. I may disagree with you, but I’m open to the conversation and will approach it with an open mind. So, I’m curious, what is your ‘one thousand cups of tea’? My hope is that in some way this blog brings you and I closer to meeting our limit, perhaps if even just by a few cups.

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~ by cterhaar on March 30, 2010.